The Baby Decision: How to Make The Most Important Choice of Your Life Paperback – June 26, 2016

If you and/or your partner are struggling to make a decision about children, you NEED this book. My husband and I are in our mid-late 30s and had been truly torn on the question of whether we wanted to have a child for a couple years - we were at the point where we knew we needed to decide, but trying to make such a monumentous decision was paralyzing. This book was truly a game changer for us. We each worked through it individually, and we were able to clarify our feelings and finally come to a decision that felt right to us and have confidence and comfort in our choice. Some of the best things about this book for me were: (1) that the author had a balanced perspective where I felt supported in discovering my own thoughts and feelings rather than pushed in one direction by the author; (2) that the book was written to men as well as women rather than being all about "motherhood"; (3) that the book offered a wide variety of exercises that helped me get in touch with a lot of different aspects of how I was feeling and examine the same concerns and hesitations from different angles. My husband and I were lucky in that we both ultimately discovered that we did want to have a child (which was surprising for my husband who had been leaning towards no for a long time), but I also appreciated the book's discussion of how to help make a decision as a couple if you and your partner realize you have different desires - it helped me clarify my feelings, and I think would be very helpful for couples who don't end up in the same place. If you're a woman who has a lot of past trauma or difficult childhood experiences and relationships that are getting in your way that you haven't already worked through with therapy or independent CBT work and you have time to devote to a more therapy-like approach, then "Motherhood - Is It For Me?" by Denise Carlini and Ann Davidman would be a great choice for you, but for most people, I truly think The Baby Decision is the only book you'll need to help you make your decision.

I was on the fence. I didn't think I was but eventually had to admit it when I felt like I was going nowhere fast because of my indecision. I learned about this book from a random comment online and after reading a few reviews, I decided to give it a chance. I'm so glad I did. Not only do I know what my decision is, I feel confident in it. This is one of the most neutral books I've found so far and I'm grateful the author doesn't try to hold one decision over the other. The exercises are enlightening and I learned more about myself doing them. I like the fact that if needed, I can reread this and do the exercises over again if I hadn't felt as confident as I do now when I reached the end. I'm thankful to that random person on the internet for recommending this and if you're undecided, it's worth the read.

I got this book per the recommendation of a couple of child free forums. I liked the exercises and they made me think, but I don't feel like I've made a decision. I'm not sure if my lack of a decision at the end is due to the book or due to my partner. The exercises are geared towards married couples who have been together since their early 20s and are considering children in their mid 30s. I'm not married and have been with my partner for 5 years. The author has a short 3 sentence blurb about "what if you're working on the baby decision AND long term commitment with your partner?" The answer is basically couples therapy. Not exactly what I was looking for since the rest of the book is about communication strategies and conservation starting points with your partner.I liked how the book painted a difference of child-wanting opinion as not being a deal breaker right off the bat. Child free forums will screech "dump him/her!!!" if either of the partners is on the fence. The book treats it as something to work through and to decide "do you want children more than you want your partner?" Ultimately the book gave me a lot of hope for healthy discussions with my partner and even friends and family! The sections I found most helpful for my current relationship situation were the sections about the mind games the pro-child and anti-child crowds play with each other. I feel pretty ready for the inevitable bingoes and pointed questioning. I can answer their questions without getting defensive or being rude back.Both partners need to read this book, even the partner who says they 100% want children. That was one aspect of the book that stuck with me--even if you WANT kids, the exercises might suggest you SHOULDN'T have kids because of your financial position, mental health situation, or relationship status. The decision to have kids or not have kids requires the same amount of introspection.