Polywise: a deeper dive into navigating open relationships Paperback – 14 Sept. 2023

Between this book and her previous book, polysecure, I have become a big fan of Jessica Fern's work. And of the two, in my opinion, polywise is the superior book, offering easy-to-digest breakdowns of some of the root causes of the problems many of us suffer through when opening up our relationships and the advice and frameworks needed to navigate them.Sometimes, when reading books on polyamory and non-monogamy, it's easy to feel detached. They will focus on broad topics in a way that means you don't necessarily connect with you personally or are books that discuss polyamory as a concept to be studied rather than reflecting your personal experience.Not polywise. When I was reading this book, I felt like I was reading about myself.Now, maybe it's just that, with polywise, Fern just happens to have picked areas that match my own personal experiences, meaning that I resonated with them more than some other readers might. For example, one chapter discusses an issue that directly impacted me a lot when I first opened up my relationships. But I think the truth is that Fern is, through her years of experience, simply an expert in seeing the universal trends in relationships and ethical non-monogamy.Something I have found while learning more about polyamory is that there are certain problems and stumbling blocks that a majority of us all go through. And if I can see that when just browsing the internet and talking to friends, imagine how much Fern has seen the same thing in her career. And while someone like me simply sees the common experiences, Fern has the education and expertise to actually recognise the root causes of these problems and how to work on ourselves to fix them.But the best thing about these books is how Fern has managed to hit the sweet spot for academic knowledge and a layman's understanding. As much as I recommend Fern's previous book, polysecure, I found it hard at times to get through the psychology. I know others disagree with me and found it incredibly easy to understand, but I personally struggled. But with polywise I didn't have the same problem at all. Everything was explained in a way that felt easy to read without ever feeling like it had been oversimplified. That doesn't mean it was an easy read, though. This was definitely a book where once I had read one section, I had to step away to digest what I had just read. You're taking in a lot of knowledge that needs to be processed. Now that I've finished it, I'll give it a few weeks to settle in my brain and reread it to better focus on the smaller details.My final point on polywise is that while it may be framed and intended as a guide to people working on opening up their relationships, it's teaching skills that will be useful to anyone looking to improve their relationship, whether polyamorous or monogamous. I write about this a lot, but polyamorous relationship skills are just universal relationship skills applied to non-monogamy. When Fern writes about identifying and addressing the root issues in our relationships that cause problems in transitioning to non-monogamy, they are issues that also cause problems in relationships that remain monogamous. While some of her more practical advice might not be applicable to monogamous couples, it still gives them a starting point to adapt for their own use.Polywise definitely joins my list of recommendations for anyone looking for resources to help them open up their relationship.However, it wouldn't be the first book I would say to read, and it wouldn't be one that I would recommend to someone who was simply curious and wanted to learn more before making the leap. I think polywise is best suited for people who have already made the decision to begin their journey and are looking to work on their foundations and identify the cracks before they grow too big.But I also recommend polywise to anyone who simply wants to learn more about the psychology of relationships. Fern packs a lot into this book, and if you're a student of psychology, professionally or just as a hobby, Fern will give you a lot of strings to pull on to begin your own research.

The concepts and methods given in this work has opened my eyes and allowed me to do work on myself I never knew I needed.

If you are exploring polyamory or are or have experience under your belt, this book is for you. In this book you’ll learn some really good practices for navigating conflict in polyamory as well as how to setup agreements. What makes this book really helpful is that it explores how monogamous thinking and beliefs can get in the way of functional and effective polyamory and shows you how to deconstruct your monogamous perspectives. Working through this book helped me become more independent and secure in myself and in the relationships I am in.

Her previous works (most notably Polysecure) were in every sense ground-breaking and now the latest, Polywise, stands poised to be the best of the bunch! Brimming with insights, optimism and humor, this book is a little gem. The author skillfully expands on the basic theoretical premise begun in Polysecure to create a manual of sorts for those trying to navigate the intricacies of Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM). The inclusion of the voice and perspective of co-author David Cooley (especially notable in the audio book) adds yet another layer of intimacy and joyousness seldom found in books on the subject. Polywise manages to accomplish what few books on relationships ever achieve: an engaging and compelling read that never feels too technical to be easily accessible by a wide audience. I have little doubt that, in the future, the publication of Polywise will be seen as a watershed moment in both relationship studies and psycho-therapeutics. Suffice to say, I could not recommend it more highly!

Another great book by Jessica Fern. I recommend starting with her book before this one, Polysecure. Polywise I feel could help you understand it easier by reading Polysecure and then following up with Polywise. I really enjoyed chapters 1&2.

Jessica has done it again. As she said, this book should have come before PolySecure, but I get it - attachment styles were big then. Polywise gives much more content and explanation behind polyamory. It’s a great way to learn how to be more established and secure in your poly-relationships, but more importantly, how to deconstruct your self to be the best person and partner possible. *Standing and applauding*