How We Met: A Memoir of Love and Other Misadventures, 'Will add sunshine to your year'. Stylist, best non-fiction 2021

It's a very good read, well written, not waffle, and about a subject that will be interesting to many.This is not, thank heavens, one of those books where young women blame men for everything. In fact, to Huma Qureshi's great credit, she doesn't blame anyone. Instead, despite huge obstacles, she finds the courage to find a way though (without being anti 'culture' or indeed anti anything).My wife and I are now grandparents and we read it in the knowledge that many 'white British' families used to put similar pressure on their daughters (and sons) to marry well i.e. of 'a good family'. The upper classes (not us) often still do.Delightfully, Huma is not a biased character. She's intelligent and comes from an educated, Muslim, Pakistani family who are tight knit in their 'community' but not anti other peoples - until, that is, it comes to marriage. Expectations of her are high; to get a good education and then settle into marriage - with someone the family approve of. (She is, in most other things, pleasantly given a huge degree of encouragement and freedom - for instance her degree is in French and she adores English classical literature). But as far as relationships are concerned, non-Muslims are very much off the agenda (just as contact with any boys, and later young men, is only allowed under very strict rules).But let's be clear. Her mother and 'aunties' are NOT telling her which man she must marry -- she can have the final decision herself (as long as he's from her 'culture', the word used throughout the book); i.e. it will NOT be an 'arranged marriage.' With her approval, aunties organise several 'rishta's for her (i.e. approved-of meetings for potential marriage - and, as she says, certainly not 'dates') and she is hopeful but finds most of the ones lined up to be uninteresting - or worse, 'controlling' (wait till you meet 'the brown Mr. bean'). After years of family pressure in which Huma loses much of her confidence, she sees herself as left on the shelf - despite having a successful career and making her way in the world. And then the sea-change comes (before Richard) of which I'll remain silent.Quite openly, too, Huma has the courage to describe some disturbing attitudes. She mentions how her family's cultural circle cut off all ties with a daughter after she married without their approval. It's not that he was not Muslim, he was. It’s that he 'was black'.So reader, read it (just a little abstract Austen (or ostentation) there!). She's a warm and heart-warming character under long continuous pressure - but she deals with it. You feel sympathy for her, you follow her journey, you want her to do well. You look with great sadness upon the way she comes to feel so small and helpless by the, let's be honest, oppressive attitudes still around in the 21st century - for the way they, albeit unwittingly, continually sap her confidence (despite their great love for her) and seek to control her marriage prospects. And that, sadly too, in the subsequent family meeting (to which she describes herself as being summoned) nobody in the family (except marginally her lawyer sister-in-law) seems prepared to tolerate any other view of marriage to an 'English man'.And so having met and fallen jointly in love with Richard, when they want to marry (he is very willing to convert) it's an ordeal … and I won't say what happens next.One final noteworthy (and beautiful) point. And possible spoiler alert!! When a key member of her family dies, she openly explains how much she loves and misses him with genuine heartache. That a young woman writer can say this about a man in this modern era is a huge source of joy to people of our age group, I can tell you.Finally: If you want to see a very well written review (better than I can ever do) - pls see the one written (here on Amazon) by FWJ on 2nd March 2021.

Synopsis: Huma has spent her entire childhood, growing up in Walsall, a suburb of Birmingham, taking in subliminal messaging that a good Pakistani Muslim girl will first get well-educated and then, shortly after, will get matched for matrimony. This is not how things will go for Huma. She has bigger dreams of finding love, pursuing a creative career and spreading her wings. Somewhere along the way her sense of self gets muddled and a journey of lost and found begins. Fast forward to Year almost 30, and she meets someone! The trouble is he just doesn’t fulfil her community’s expected profile.I found How We Met by Huma Qureshi relatable in many aspects of the expat Pakistani parenting culture. The conversations about trust, the boundaries of “our culture” and those surrounding the expectations of marriage are all too familiar. However, this book is not just about being raised in a Pakistani family and finding her non- Pakistani life partner. It is so much more than that. This book is about becoming comfortable in one own’s skin. It’s about the process of transformation, and although there is progress, it is honestly presented as a never-ending pursuit.The Good: The book starts with a good attention grabber and even though the events in the book are a series of flashbacks and flash forwards, the different anecdotes flow extremely well together. I really like that the author talks about different challenges without being disrespectful to any of the parties involved.The Bad: Nothing particularly.The Verdict: If you are looking for something life-changing, this book is not it. This book is made for people who are looking for the extraordinary in the ordinary. It is made for the people who want to look at every relationship as if it is fresh and every life event as fascinating.

A lovely memoir of love, self-acceptance and faith.It’s hard to find memoirs from Muslim women that don’t depict Islam as violent or something to run away from.Huma’s memoir focused not just on her relationship with her husband and children but also on herself and how she built a quiet life for herself in spite of opposition from the community she was from.It’s important to note Huma’s family were supportive of her dreams and helped her achieve them but were surprised at her choice of life partner and did find it difficult to adjust, but they did and this gives many people hope that Muslims can find love and acceptance from the community and that Faith is very private.Would recommend!

Having waited for this memoir for a while it did not dissapoint. Beautifully, quietly and softly giving us glimpses of complex situations, of scenarios I could relate too. I felt versions of myself come before me as I went on this journey with Huma, and it really did feel like a journey, of grief, of confusion, of soul searching but ultimately of love.It is difficult to come across a narrative which both celebrates and challenges the complexities of the Pakistan Muslim culture and growing up through this felt so very lonely. This is captured so accurately, with the right balance of familiarity, nostalgia and the agony for some hanging in that balance without feeling like yet another anti cultural narrative. Through this memoir I both celebrated Huma's determination to find herself but also to find love.I'm so very glad Huma met Richard too.

I enjoyed how beautifully it was written. I am so glad that Huna Qureshi wrote it. I agree with a few of the recent reviews.I loved it for many reasons. One of which is that she explores the perspectives of other people as well as herself. Secondly, whilst she does explore serious issues it is not depressing either. It is a love story but also a story of finding oneself. I hope she does write more like this.