Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results 1st Edition

I am surprised by some of the reviews describing Ms. Glaser's book as "average" (or similar terms). My work involves both providing executive and leadership coaching as well as delivering programs designed to develop leader coaches and building emotional intelligence. The cornerstone of relationships whether personal or professional is trust. Building trust is not necessarily something leaders (and others) understand or know how to create even if it seems to be "common sense." We all benefit from having tools, tips, and strategies that can facilitate the creation of strong, trusting relationships.One of my measures of the usefulness of a book is how many notes I write in the back cover sections of my books and notes for "Conversational Intelligence" overflow! I love practical tips and Ms. Glaser provides so many. One of my favorite tools she offers are acronyms, e.g., STAR, TRUST, LEARN. Maybe because I used acronyms throughout my education to remember key elements but now when I think about building trust I think TRUST: transparency, relationship, understanding, shared success, and testing assumptions & telling the truth. (Many more of these in the book with rich descriptions of each.) Helping leaders and others remember that success is often based on trust and using TRUST as a self-assessment to evaluate the components of trust can be invaluable.I also love that Ms. Glaser provides a number of exercises (toolkit) for creating exceptional listening skills and addressing "issues" that may come up in a relationships. Very practical! When you read the book check out the LEARN exercise for conducting more successful meetings (p. 143 in the printed version).I moved from traditional clinical psychology practice to the corporate world in 2003 and this is one of those books that I wish I had available when I provided couples and relationship therapy.Whether the reader is interested in being a better formal or informal leader, a better significant other, a better parent, or just a better listener/communicator in general "Conversational Intelligence" will be a great resource.Ed Nottingham, PhD, PCCConsulting & Clinical PsychologistAuthor, "It's Not as Bad as It Seems: A Thinking Straight Approach to Happiness" It's Not As Bad As It Seems

In the tradition of luminaries like Marshall McLuhan and Buckminister Fuller, Judith Glaser, internationally known and respected author and organizational anthropologist, has spent a life studying the architecture and dynamics of our communications, and how, bylistening better, we can all have a more positive impact on our business associates, friends and families. In today’s cyber world, intimacy is too often lost. The power of talking to one another more intelligently and empathetically is too often overlooked. Her Conversational Intelligence is a beacon lighting the way to trust, integrity and better relationships in every area of our endeavors. She proves Greatness, a function of how we listen and speak to one another, is well within our reach, one conversation at a time. A must read for anyone motivated to heighten their levels of performance and play. I had the opportunity to see Judith in action facilitating a discussion on critical marketing issues of concern to some 24 CEOs and CMOs representing a range of luxury brands. The speed at which she was able to create a playful, relaxed atmosphere of trust and knit the group together for an enthusiastic, no-holds-barred interchange was really something to behold.Gregory J. FurmanFounder & ChairmanThe Luxury Marketing CouncilSince 1994 – 1,000 luxury brands, 5,000 CMOs/CEOs in 57 cities worldwide

Consultant and author, Judith Glaser, has been studying how people converse with each other for most of her adult life. This book “Conversational Intelligence,” is the culmination of her thinking on the subject and provides a practical and insightful perspective.“Conversational Intelligence is what separates those who are successful from those who are not— in business, in relationships, and even in marriages.” By the time you have worked through this accessible book, you will understand why she is not exaggerating.We think of a conversation as simply talking, sharing information, telling colleagues and staff what we expect them to do, or what is bothering us. Conversations are not simple, and how they work or do not work, does deserve our attention.Unhealthy conversations are the cause of distrust, deceit, betrayal, and avoidance. Any one of these will lead to lower productivity, and less thoughtful action, and, ultimately, to lower business success.Few leaders, Glaser asserts, understand how critical conversations are to the health of their companies. Consider how many hours you spent mulling over a thoughtless, offensive comment from a colleague or superior. Consider how much nerve energy is expended thinking about an upcoming meeting with someone who demeans you, or with whom you are merely uncomfortable.To understand this at a deeper level Glaser relates Conversations to neuro-biology. There has been significant breakthroughs in our understanding of how the brain works since the development of the FMRI. The prefrontal cortex is the executive centre of the brain. It is where higher order brain activity is processed. It is activated when we feel we can trust others, and is deactivated when we feel high levels of fear and distrust. The prefrontal cortex can be considered the centre of trust.The amygdala and limbic areas of the brain, in contrast, are where distrust is centred. When the amygdala is activated, by fear or distrust, our brains effectively close down and our ability to think is severely impaired.Supportive conversations make us feel safe because the oxytocins are released and “they enhance our feelings of bonding, and dopamine and serotonin contribute to feelings of well-being.” In these contexts, we are able to have productive conversations and think well with others.Conversing has three levels in Glaser’s method. Level 1 is where we share information with one another. Level 2 is where we engage in “positional” conversations— when we have a point of view and express our point of view. At this level, we work to get others to understand or accept our view. Level 3 is where we communicate with others to transform and shape our common reality. At this level, we complement, build, and can have “extraordinary, transformational conversations with others.”“Researchers in neuroscience are demonstrating that the capacity to operate at Level 3 is hardwired into all human beings,” Glaser reports. Everyone is capable of conversing at this level.Glaser describes an instructive consulting assignment she had with Boehringer Ingelheim, the multinational pharmaceutical company. Their representatives were rated 39th out of 40 companies by the doctors they called on to talk about the company’s products.The representatives had been trained to use a traditional features-and-benefits model of selling. In this model when a physician raises a concern, the representative tries to persuade her that the issue is not terribly important. The representatives had, in effect, been trained to argue well and persuasively. No matter how politely this is done, it made the relationship adversarial.When this became evident, Glaser trained them in a five-step method that was designed to get the prefrontal cortex engaged, and not the amygdala. The method involved building rapport; listening without judgment; asking discovery questions; reinforcing success; and dramatizing the message.The result was that the representatives rose to the most trusted and liked representatives in the same 40-company survey of doctors.This is a case of Conversational Intelligence in practice.The second half of the book is a practical guide to creating conversations that lead to deeper understanding and engagement, rather than fear and avoidance.Over thousands of years of evolution, we learned to distinguish in nano-seconds who or what is dangerous and who or what is friendly. Those among our ancient ancestors got this wrong never survived. We have the same responses in the workplace today as we did in the wilds finding our food centuries ago. This triggers either the amygdala or the prefrontal cortex.Leaders who do not take care with how they come across to staff pay a high penalty. The cost is non-compliance, wasted nerve energy, anger or fear, and poor output.Glaser exhorts the reader to “Be mindful of your conversations and the emotional content you bring— either pain or pleasure. Are you sending friend or foe messages?”Reading this book from cover to cover is a small price to pay for a large reward.Readability Light -+--- SeriousInsights High -+--- LowPractical High -+--- LowIan Mann of Gateways consults internationally on leadership and strategy.